So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
