you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
