Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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