i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
