Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
