Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
