so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
