So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
