wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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