is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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