there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize