just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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