he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize