Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
