what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
