once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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