I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
it hurts more in the daytime
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
