Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
