I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
