So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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