your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize