so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
