You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
