i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
