We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
