if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Randomize