i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
