I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
