I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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