Who wears a wallet chain?!
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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