Just took my morning after pill in the library
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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