Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You pole danced in your parka.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
