Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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