its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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