In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
