i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
