so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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