i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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