I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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