my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
A+ Viking dick
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
