bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
