As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
my poor anus
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
