Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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