the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Less talking, more tequila
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
