is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
