Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
