i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
