yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
