i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
