I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
