I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
my sisters under your porch take her home
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
