I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i would punch a child for taco bell
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
