'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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