i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize