I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
