The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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