My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
