watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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