her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
