is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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