dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I forget how to act sober
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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