her vagine was all disorganized.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
