A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Randomize
