"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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