dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize