I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I wannas sexs uuuuu
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
