You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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