does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
i now understand why vodka
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
