you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
