sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
