I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
