Say something about gay babies.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
