I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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