she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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