The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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