xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
We smell like vodka and hangover
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
