i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
