have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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