I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Pants are for mortals
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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