careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
he puts the penis in happiness.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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