Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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