my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
