so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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