alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
