I think my fart just growled at me.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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