we're chasing vodka with high fives
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
