i already hear my dad disowning me
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
