Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
