If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
