Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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