Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
