I wish I could punch you in the face.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
